You want some real legitimate advice about mental health? Stop being mean to yourself.
Like, when you wanna say mean shit about yourself either internally or externally, work to learn how to step back a moment and remind yourself that what you are doing is a form of self-harm and not a fair or legitimate judgement on you as a person, and furthermore is not productive to your survival or well-being.
Even if you fuck something up, you can resolve to do better in the future, you can tell yourself that you’re going to make this a learning experience, and even if you’ve made the same mistake 50 times already, telling yourself you’ll get it right someday if you just keep trying will always do you better than calling yourself an idiot and beating yourself up for not being able to get it right.
Take it from me, a lot of mental health shit is a product of your environment and personal history, and therefore you really don’t have the control over it that you need to get by without others’ help, but one thing you can have some control over is whether you’re going to be a friend to yourself or just another enemy, and if you want to survive, you’ve gotta strive to be in your own corner as best you can.
I hate when people are like “the world’s a cruel place, just get used to it.” That’s a terrible mentality! Never accept cruelty and brutality and unhappiness as the norm. The world is a cruel place, so get out there and make it a little less so.
1. Recognize that you have choices. Usually people-pleasers feel as if they don’t have a choice, and they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. But you DO have a choice – and it’s Ok to say no.
2. Decide on your priorities. If you already have commitments or you have set priorities then it’s easy to say no as you’ve a genuine “excuse”. Do what matters most to you, and please remember - it’s your life!
3. Stall for time – don’t give an answer right away. Say you need a bit of time before you make up your mind. That allows you time and space to think about the consequences. For other things will likely suffer if you take on far too much.
4. Don’t be afraid to add conditions to your yeses. For example, say that you’ll only say yes if someone else says yes as well – or only take on a new task for a set period of time.
5. Are you being manipulated? There are plenty who will use you to ensure their plans succeed, so watch out for those compliments and empty flattery.
6. Be firm when you say no. The first time you say no it feels uncomfortable and hard. But once you’ve done that a few times it starts to feel much easier. Also, if you sound confident then others take you seriously.
7. Don’t defend you decision. You have a right to say no – and to NOT defend yourself. It’s your life after all - you don’t have to explain “why” … or come up with excuses … or be pushed and pressurised. And don’t apologise to others - saying no is not a crime!
